Review: Assassin's Creed (Movie)

(Beware of Spoilers)

In case you have never played an Assassin's Creed Game:

It's actually a Sci-Fi series and you play people who use a device called the Animus in order to relive memories of certain ancestors which revolve around a century old war between the Order of the Templars and the Order of the Assassins who have both very different opinions on how to save/ rule the world. Thats is all you need to know.

So there is some kind of unwritten rule to Movie adaptations of Videogames and said rule says they have to.. well yeah..suck.
Okay that is not entirely fair as Prince of Persia was quite good and so was the first Tomb Raider Film... I think.
I was a teenager when I saw it. Could have just been me liking Angelina Jolie in shorts.
But I guess we can all agree on the fact that the Sequel killed all the goodwill anyway.

In any case: Movies based on videogames tend to be really, really bad and people are waiting patiently for a (nother) Movie to break the curse, to defy the unwritten rule.

And now the question is: Could Assassin's Creed be that Movie?
Short answer: No.

Long answer:
What is it people love about the Assassin's Creed Games?
Is it the Sci-Fi stuff with the animus and everything?
Or is it the parkour stuff with stylish take down moves inbetween?

I'm asking because in the Movie we don't get much from the latter. We don't see much of the past (15th century btw) and the Assassine named Aguilar at all.
Instead we get to see a lot more of a guy called Callum Lynch, an ancestor of that Assassine.
Lynch isn't exactly the most interesting protagonist but he is no blank slate either and it certainly helps that the actor portraying him, Michael Fassbender, seemingly REALLY wanted this Movie to be good.
Because he gives it his best and you can see that in every scene.
Sadly that can't be said about pretty much anyone else. Villains, relatives, captured assassins... they all seem to be bored to death. Except for like one guy who tries at times to be funny in a Movie that doesn't do fun.

Don't get me wrong here. I am not saying the Movie is bad because it is not "funny". It doesn't have to be a comedy.
The Movie is bad because it's boring. Exposition left and right, missing character development front and center and a broody and overly dramatic atmosphere that just doesn't work as it's just exhausting after the first 20 or so minutes.

Yes the action scenes are alright for the most part and yes they clearly tried to stay close to the source material (except for the animus itself which is a robotic arm with a claw that holds the subject instead of a normal table/chair for whatever reason) but from Assassin's Creed 2 onwards these Games have been filled to the brim with charming, colorful characters while the Movie is not.

Look, Interesting characters! They even interact!
(Though I'm still mad about what they did with Lucy only because her voice actress didn't want to continue.)

Sure there are one or two people who have the potential to be interesting. One of them is Aguilar's female Lover and Sidekick but she doesn't get to do much. Everything she does, Aguilar does better.
They are about to be executed? Aguilar saves them both.
They fight their way through a massive wave of enemies to escape? Aguilar saves her ass.
They ambush the Main Villain and his Troops? She gets herself captured.

At one point she even falls of a cliff and we never see how she survived it and in the next scene she is back with Aguilar. Maybe I missed something but she is, in any case, wasted.

The Movie wouldn't be much different without her and that is sad considering she clearly is ment to be an important character. But with that she gets off better than the other female lead, Sophia Rikkin.

She is the daughter of the Boss of the Company that holds Lynch captured and is supposed to be a moraly complex character I guess. Too bad her motivations make even less sense than Lynchs.
Both seem to have a change of heart multiple times for no real reason.

So yeah and if all that wasn't enough:

The Movie is ugly.
We either get stale, cold hallways or foggy setpieces from the 15th century that look like Call of Duty Maps. Grey in grey, brown in brown and nothing else.

Let's move on to the...

...Conclusion:

Assassin's Creed is a boring movie. Some things work *cough* Fassbender *cough* but most things don't. [Insert sad emoticon here]